My Story
My name is Joseph Rodgers. I served 10 years with the US Army Signal Corps. I initially entered into the service in 1988 and was stationed in Germany. I then had a 10 yr break in service and re-entered the Army enroute to Ft. Bragg, N.C. After Ft. Bragg, I left for Ft. Riley, Ks. I served as a combat soldier in Iraq from 2003-2004 with the 1st Armored Division.
While in Iraq, I started out being in Baghdad, at Baghdad International Airport. While at the airport, I saw things and did things that will haunt me for the rest of my days. We did many convoys which was cause for much stress in my life. IEDs (improvised explosive devices), were a common word in our everyday conversation. Ambushes were a threat that was dealt with on a regular basis. The thought of death or killing someone was on your mind almost 24/7. From Baghdad, we went north to Taji. This move introduced continual mortars. We supported the 82nd Airborne Division. After 15 long months, we deployed to Kuwait and the green zone (yeah right), and awaited our trip home. Upon Landing in Topeka, Ks. I was asked the hardest question of my life. A 4-5 yr old little boy stopped me in the airport with his mother beside him. He asked me 2 questions; " Are you a real soldier?", to which my reply was: "I sure am." The next question caught me totally off guard. He asked " Did you kill anyone"? I was stunned to say the least. I looked at his mother but she wasn't helping. I replied with" I didn't go check". That question haunted me for many months. When we returned to Fort Riley, I started the medical board process. 6 months later, the lifestyle that I had come to know and love was gone and I was a civilian again and had no idea what to do. Life was starting to crash down around me.
On returning to my community in 2005, I felt separated from the world around me including my family members. All I could think about was drinking and isolating myself from the rest of the world. My wife, Jill, became my best and only friend as she made every effort, even during very difficult times, to support me through my transitioning from the battlefield to civilian life. During this time I battled the thoughts of what I had done and seen, my anger, alcohol, porn and the fear of public places. I couldn’t hold a job for any period of time due to anger and anxiety. Life was all about me. The battle with the V.A had begun.
In 2009, we moved to Panama City, Florida. Jill convinced me to attend a church fellowship small group. It was a murder mystery and I could pretend to be someone else for just one night. All the pressure was off. Needless to say I had a great time. The following day was a Sunday, and I attended that small church for the first time. I gave my heart to Jesus Christ in September of 2009. Life started looking up. I was able to put on a mask that life was getting better and still hide all that was going on inside.
In September 2010, my brother (a desert storm Veteran) committed suicide. This made me very angry with GOD and forced me to face my own feelings toward suicide. I continued to wear my mask though, refusing to let anyone see inside.
In 2011, my world came to a screeching halt. I had an emotional affair and my wife found out about it. We were forced with decision after decision. It was at this point that suicide was the most real to me. God and I were in yet another round of our long fight against the devil that was inside of me. Since that day, I vowed that I would never again wear a mask that hides who I am and what I am feeling toward GOD or my wife. This event and the fact of complete honesty, has made my love for GOD and my wife grow to levels never before imagined. Life since that day has had many more obstacles but has been more bearable because I do not worry about whom I said what to and what I am trying to hide from whom. GOD has brought me victory over these areas of my life and now we are reaching out to others in similar situations with GOD's help, to help them gain victory also.
As an Iraq combat veteran, I deal with issues known and understood only by others who have been affected by the same or similar battlefield experiences. Subsequently, Jill and I created The Foxhole. While on active duty, we lived by the motto "no man left behind". We hold to this motto still today. We have come to realize that you are never alone. What you may be experiencing, is the same thing someone else is experiencing also. May GOD bless you and all your travels.
Biography
